Forgiveness Is An Incredible Thing

When most people think of forgiveness, they think of people saying "that's all right" when someone else apologises for something they've done. But that's not what forgiveness is. True forgiveness is absolutely incredible. There have been times when someone (who may have been a friend, or a family member, or even just an acquaintance) has offended me, and I haven't wanted to have anything to do with them. Something they've done or not done has hurt or annoyed me, and as a result I haven't wanted to talk to them or be around them, despite having had a very good relationship with them up to that point. Then I have chosen to forgive them, and have seen them a few minutes later, and been genuinely happy to see them again! The hurt and the bitterness has completely dissolved and our old relationship has been completely restored. Unfortunately, many people, including Christians, don't know that sort of reconciliation. This post is aimed at showing people how to truly forgive.

Offense is a powerful thing. It is incredibly destructive, and very common. It has the ability to tear apart friendships and families through hurt, resentment, and bitterness. However there is an antidote to offense, which is at least as powerful. That antidote is forgiveness. And the reconciling power of true forgiveness is even more incredible.

As I said before, there's a misconception out there about what forgiveness is, including amongst Christians. Forgiveness is not pardoning what someone has done or not done to you! The Bible says that we are not to judge each other. In the Bible, when a judgment occurs, it results in one of two outcomes - either pardoning or condemning the one being judged. Christians these days are taught not to condemn others, but how many Christians are taught not to pardon someone? As Christians, we have no right to pardon others, just like we have no right to condemn others - God is the Judge, only He has the right to pardon and condemn.

This is the reason so many people have lost hope in forgiveness - they try to pardon others, and fail, and they think that that is forgiveness. It isn't.

So what is forgiveness? The word in Old English originally meant "to give something off from yourself or away from yourself" - essentially to offload something onto another. That's what forgiveness is. We as people can be forgiven by God for our sin, because the offense of our sin was offloaded from us onto Jesus Christ - He took the punishment for our sin. We aren't forgiven because God just decided to pardon us, we are forgiven because His Son took our sin upon Himself.

We forgive each other in a similar way. When someone offends us, subconsciously we feel that they owe us a debt - we hold their offense against them, and we want something from them for it - even if it's nothing more than an apology. We forgive them when we transfer their debt from ourselves to God. They no longer owe us that apology for what they've done - they owe God.

One important thing to remember about forgiveness is that you never want to forgive that person. They've hurt you, you're angry at them, and, to put it simply, you feel sorry for yourself. But as Christians we walk by faith not by what we feel like doing. You need to forgive that person, even for no other reason than because God told you to. Even as He has forgiven us, so we are to forgive others. The Gospels are chock full of stories about what happens to people who refuse to forgive others. Essentially they forfeit the forgiveness God has shown them by refusing forgive others. That alone should be enough of a reason to forgive someone.

But you need to recognise that you don't feel like forgiving them, and make a conscious decision to forgive them by faith - simply because God has told you to. Because you are then walking in faith, you will then be able to forgive them. You can't forgive someone unless you do it by faith. It just doesn't work.

So once you have decided to forgive someone through faith, you can rely on God for the power - the grace - to actually forgive them. Then you need to make the decision to do so. First you need to acknowledge to yourself the reason that you need to forgive them. Something like "I acknowledge that this person has really offended my by doing this, and I'm feeling really resentful of them for it." Be perfectly honest. If you hate them, say so. If you wish they were dead, say so.

Then once you've got that out, you need to deliberately decide to forgive them. This should be done verbally, so that it is a definite process, rather than a vague idea in your head. You could say something like "God, by faith, and by Your grace, I forgive this person for what they have done. I give their offense over to You. They no longer owe me anything. Not so much as an apology. It's between them and You now." Saying that the person no longer owes you an apology is possibly the hardest part, and you may still feel like they do, but that's ok, you aren't done yet.

Now you have left the matter in God's hands. He is the Judge, and He will do what He chooses with the matter. It may be that He chooses to seek vengeance on your behalf, or it may be that He pardons them. Or He may do something else. It doesn't matter - it's no longer your problem - it's His, and He will deal with them accordingly.

The next thing to do is to clear out the old feelings of resentment, pain, and bitterness that you have towards that person. You could say something like "God, I ask that You would remove all the pain and bitterness I hold towards that person and replace it with Your love and grace, that I may be Your minister towards them." This shouldn't be an unusual step. Christians should be constantly praying for God to shine through them, so this should be automatic.

That is forgiveness. It works! It blows me away every time I forgive someone just how effective and powerful it is, and as I said, I can see them only minutes later and be genuinely glad to see them again. Once you have forgiven them, don't then go and think "ok I've forgiven them, now I've got to try and be nice to them." You've just asked for God's love to fill your heart, and you're trying to conjure up some niceness on your own?? Just be completely natural, and you'll find that you really have forgiven them.


God bless. Remember, anything I or anyone writes - check it against the Bible to make sure it's for real.